guys, im sorry, but im serious.

[Penance]

The past two years have been abaolute hell on earth. I don't know how to explain it and ill tell you all later when im on a pc, but for now ill just say this: two years ago I had everything anyone could ask for: a loving family, a vibrant social life, tons of friends, a good girlfriend, good grades, was healthy, was physically fit, and was just overall happy. Now, I still have a good girlfriend and a family that tries sometimes (parents saw me crying earlier and decided to come try to talk about it) but no friends. No social life. I can't even stand going to school because of it. The things that interest me and the music I listen to, for example, are so different its not even acceptable in regular conversation.

I stopped going to school freshman year mid-first semester and did an online school second semester from home but didn't even do that. Sophomore year, same thing, but this time I never went to school more than two days in a row. Online again, got stuff done but still have to do summer school. First session I freaked out and demanded I do online instead. I haven't done any of it at all. Second session starts Monday and I wont be able to handle that either.

I haven't hung out with anyone this summer other than my girlfriend. That's not by choice. I have no friends at all.

I've completely and totally destroyed my life. I don't even take care of myself physically.

Finally, I've decided what I must do. Soon, I will sit in my tiny pool shed, burn charcoal down to it being grey, and put it in the shed with me, seal it up, and die from CO poisoning. Im sorry guys but I have to. There's no alternative. I can't fix it. Im past that point. You guys have been good to me and i'll miss you all, wherever I end up. I wish you the best in life and this is not any of your fault at all. You were all good friends.

I might update this later from a pc but til then, bye guys.

[Penance]

Disregard this I wrote it while having a really bad panic attack. Those happen. Im seeing my psychiatrist on Tuesday and will let him know.

Thanks for your concern though.

[wiiper77]

dayum. hope everything gets better.

[Jesse the Great Tsar]

No no no no.


You're a human.

You were meant to get shit done.

You stopped getting shit done.

Get that shit done.

NOW.

[Vmag]

Kevin?

[AiRsTrIkE]

Originally Posted by Vmag

Kevin?

That's not the point of this forum.

[LoveHateHero329]

The anxiety in you is fear, its hopelessness. Its a lie, do not fear, there is hope, His name is Jesus Christ, and He is the Light! He can help defeat your darkness! Trust Him, He is the answer!

[Vmag]

Originally Posted by AiRsTrIkE

That's not the point of this forum.

Awww, I have fun trying to guess which one of you it is. You don't have to tell me if I'm hot or cold, I'm just making back-handed wagers :P

[Penance]

Originally Posted by LoveHateHero329

The anxiety in you is fear, its hopelessness. Its a lie, do not fear, there is hope, His name is Jesus Christ, and He is the Light! He can help defeat your darkness! Trust Him, He is the answer!

Haha that's cute the christian thinking that worshiping a non-existent "historical" man will get me somewhere.

You think I didn't try that? I did, for like a year. Went to church and everything and stood there awkwardly by a group while my old friends stopped giving a shit.

fun stuff.

[Jesse the Great Tsar]

Originally Posted by Penance

non-existent "historical" man will get me somewhere.

He's not a myth, boy. There's quite a bit of backing to his existence.



EDIT: Means you should get back to your schooling, you need it.

[LoveHateHero329]

There's more evidence proving Jesus Christ existed then Julius Caesar.
Don't see anyone questioning Caesar however.

[Kane]

Originally Posted by Jesse the Great Tsar

He's not a myth, boy. There's quite a bit of backing to his existence.



EDIT: Means you should get back to your schooling, you need it.

No, no there isn't.
The supposed 3 witnesses, 2 of which were proved to be false, and the third was talking about someone else.
And even if there was a man called Jesus Christ, how do we know if he was "gods son" what if he was a normal man who knew some extraordinary thing and people just praised him as a saint then a god.
And if god is real, why the fuck should we believe what a book says that is written by people, fucking people not by god, plus that book written by people is full of violence, and supports it. Even then why should you not believe in Vonnegut "Church of God the Utterly Indifferent" which appears in one of his books, where it says god doesn't care about you because he has more important things to do and is active in another part of the universe anyways.

@Penance, hormones fucking suck, but power through it. Life will get better once you leave high school.
But why not try to break away from your shell and just make friends, you'll feel better.
If you had friends and a good life before, why not have it again? You just need to put in some effort and want change. Believe in yourself rather than god.

[Thrasher9294]

Originally Posted by Kane

No, no there isn't.
The supposed 3 witnesses, 2 of which were proved to be false, and the third was talking about someone else.
And even if there was a man called Jesus Christ, how do we know if he was "gods son" what if he was a normal man who knew some extraordinary thing and people just praised him as a saint then a god.
And if god is real, why the fuck should we believe what a book says that is written by people, fucking people not by god, plus that book written by people is full of violence, and supports it. Even then why should you not believe in Vonnegut "Church of God the Utterly Indifferent" which appears in one of his books, where it says god doesn't care about you because he has more important things to do and is active in another part of the universe anyways.

@Penance, hormones fucking suck, but power through it. Life will get better once you leave high school.
But why not try to break away from your shell and just make friends, you'll feel better.
If you had friends and a good life before, why not have it again? You just need to put in some effort and want change. Believe in yourself rather than god.

Dude, calm down.

Originally Posted by Atheists

DON'T FORCE YOUR RELIGION ON ME

LISTEN TO ME TALK DOWN TO YOU INSTEAD

[356]

Originally Posted by Thrasher9294

Dude, calm down.

nominate for best post

[Jesse the Great Tsar]

Originally Posted by Thrasher9294

Dude, calm down.

I'll have to use that more often.

[MerX Back 91]

People have different beliefs. Respect them. I used to go to church and the like, and was "saved" and baptized and shit... Then after deciding to go with logic and scientific thought, I decided it was all bullshit and thus am an atheist. Big woop.
There are thousands of religions. You may feel (or know) yours is correct. Good for you.
You have absolutely no right to bash anyone because of their beliefs. Having freedom to believe what you want is one of the most basic human rights. We are all individuals. There's no reason to give a shit if someone believes in Jesus or Buddha or whatever. (Except Xenu.... Scientology is stupid.)

[Thrasher9294]

Originally Posted by MerX Back 91

People have different beliefs. Respect them. I used to go to church and the like, and was "saved" and baptized and shit... Then after deciding to go with logic and scientific thought, I decided it was all bullshit and thus am an atheist. Big woop.

>i respect all religions
>bullshit lies

[MerX Back 91]

Just because I consider them all bullshit does not mean I think any less of anyone who follows a religion.

[I'm not Goro this time]

oh hey look a religion thread

also @Penance, your life does NOT suck. you've got food, shelter and a family to support you. be thankful for that.

[Penance]

Originally Posted by I'm not Goro this time

also @Penance, your life does NOT suck. you've got food, shelter and a family to support you. be thankful for that.

You're right i have no right to complain i mean really people are dying that should make my misery simply not count.

I saw the psychiatrist like the day after I posted that and like he said he's gonna change my pills in September after I've had time to settle into school. Since I'm getting surgery soon he said that if he changed my pills now and I didn't think they were working it may not be the pills but just the changes in life coming up, so he won't change them until my life has been stable for a while...

Fuck.

Anyway, I wish my girlfriend didn't love me she's the only reason I'm still here. She says every day how she doesn't know how she could ever be happy without me and this is with me giving no hints at wanting to commit suicide. I'd feel so bad if I did it. I don't know what to do. I can't do it because of her but I want to because of everything else. Now i'm so behind on online english that i probably won't finish before surgery (which i'd have to). i just don't know what to do. i'm so upset. miserable all the time but i can't get rid of it because i'd hurt the few people i care about.

life fucking sucks.